Christian Marriage Part1, Choosing a Life Partner
Central Thought: Uphold God’s principles and standards in marriage.
Hymn: O Worship the King
Text: Deuteronomy 7:1-6; Proverbs 19:14, 18:22, 3:5-6
Marriage, a time-honored institution that has blessed humanity, was instituted by God, Genesis 2:22-24, Matthew 19:4-5. In his sovereignty, God set the rules for ordering the institution of marriage, for one man and one woman. Christ also emphasized it in His comment on the law of Moses in Matthew 19:5. Anything outside this is an aberration and abomination to God. God’s design and implementation of marriage relationship was intended for human family, to facilitate and environment of security, contentment and spiritual well-being for those who acknowledge God as Father. No matter how carelessly the modern world tries to flout it, God’s purpose cannot be thwarted by man. Let those who honor their Creator respect His marital ordinances.
In our series of studies on Christian marriage, we shall consider topics under this broad theme beginning with “CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER”.
Lesson Objectives:
- To know God’s purpose of instituting marriage.
- To consider the age or stage at which a Christian should begin to look for a life partner.
- To consider the environment form which a Christian should choose his/her life partner.
- To understand the consequences of disobeying God’s standard.
- To consider the role God’s word and human attitude could play in choosing a life partner.
1A. What is the purpose of God in instituting marriage?
God instituted marriage for the following:
-Companionship; because it is not good for man to be alone, Genesis 2:18, so He made a woman (the wife) for him to solve his problem of loneliness.
-Procreation; for multiplication in order to replenish the earth, Genesis 1:28.
-Mutual relationship and to satisfy their sexual desires.
-To complement each other in times of life’s challenges, “two are better than one”, Ecclesiastes 4:9.
-To avoid fornication and sexual immorality, 1 Corinthians 7:2.
1B. At what age or stage in life should a Christian begin to look for a life partner?
It may not be easy to state categorically at what age or stage a Christian should begin to look for a life partner. There are issues of individual peculiarities, but there is need to give a general counsel based on Biblical principles. From 1 Timothy 5:8, we discover that a man (husband) is expected to be able to carter for his own family, providing all family requirements. Marriage therefore is meant for matured adults, who are able to live independent of their parents/guardians. The issue of age may not be taken seriously as we cannot state a particular age. Maturity cannot be determined by age alone.
A healthy home remains the best possible training environment for children. It is therefore necessary to ensure that the requirement for establishing such environment is put in place before the children arrive. When a young Christian man begins to think of handling some family responsibilities, we can safely say the he is a matured man who should begin to look forward to establishing his own nuclear family. He should also be knowledgeable in the word of God concerning marriage relationship and be able to show a good level of responsibility in providing leadership and guidance. Ability to tolerate and forebear is an evidence of maturity and these should be evident in the life of anyone seeking to be married.
2A. From which environment should a Christian choose his/her life partner?
Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 urged Christians not to team up or enter into a relationship with unbelievers because it might corrupt their Christian commitment, integrity or standard. Believers should do everything within their power to avoid situations that could force them to compromise their faith. A warning against marrying an unbeliever is obviously an appropriate application. Christians should therefore, not enter into marriage relationship with unbelievers, as such marriage cannot have unity in commitment and obedience to God. As marriage involves two people becoming one, faith may become an issue in such union. Unequal yoking in marriage with an unbeliever amounts to putting coals of fire in one’s bosom. It is therefore advisable for a Christian to choose a life partner form among his/her fellow Christians.
2B. What are the consequences of disobeying this God given standard?
The consequences are obvious. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two work together except they be agreed?” There will be not unity in such a union as there are differences in faith and beliefs. “Evil communications corrupt good manners”, 1 Corinthians 15:33. Keeping company or being in union with unbelievers would definitely affect the attitude of any Christian involved and this will cause his faith to waver. In addition he/she may be led to serve idols or other gods and his commitment to God will be overthrown. Godly children cannot be raised from such family.
3. Discuss whether or not the following play any role in our choice of a life partner.
–The word of God: The knowledge of the word of God is basic in the choice of a life partner. Psalm 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” God’s word gives direction to a Christian. One needs the word for direction in the choice of a life partner. The purpose of God in instituting marriage is in His word.
–Love: One cannot choose a person he/she hates as a life partner. Considering the character of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we can confidently state that any union without love cannot thrive. Whom you love, you cherish; whom you love you obey; whom you love you tolerate. Love therefore is a necessity in the choice of a life partner.
–Prayer: Prayer is an avenue through which we communicate our desires and requests to God. We ask God for direction and leadership when we pray. Paul admonished the Philippian Christians not to worry about anything rather; they should ask God for everything they needed. Prayer is paramount in choosing a life partner.
–Dreams, Visions and Revelations: These are good. God sometimes speaks to His children in dreams, through visions and revelations, Acts 9:10-15, but we must be very careful about them. Sometimes Satan capitalizes on them to deceive believers. The scripture tells us that Satan and his ministers transform themselves into angels of light and ministers of righteousness, 2 Corinthians 11:14-15. Native doctors and diviners see visions and revelations; so any dream, vision or revelation that is not in consonance with the word of God should not be accepted.
-Tribe: We often hear of parents rejecting their children’s choice of life partner for the reason that the person is not from their tribe or community. Some have referred to the instruction of Abraham to his servant when he commanded him to marry a wife for his son Isaac, Genesis 24:2-4. This should not be misunderstood. Abraham was living among Canaanites who were unbelievers, so he sent his servant to ‘his kindred’, to people of God. When a person is born again, he or she becomes a new creation who is granted the power to become a child of God. He/she automatically becomes a member of a new family where there is neither Jew nor gentile, Galatians 3:27-28; this new family becomes first in his/her scale of preference. It if pleases God to give a young Christian a life partner from among his/her earthly tribe so be it, but is should not be a determinant in choosing a life partner.
–Advice from wise matured Christian brethren and leaders: “Where no counsel is, people fall; in the multitude of counselors there is safety”, Proverbs 11:14, 15:22, 24:6. The importance of counsel is emphasized in the before noted Scriptures. The experience of matured brethren in any congregation should not be despised because they have been taught wisdom by the multitude of years, Job 32:7. So, advice/counsel from matured and wise Christians is helpful in choosing a life partner.
–Beauty and Wealth: These are among the things that make life on earth worth living, but they should not be considered as a basis for choosing a life partner because of their uncertainty. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Beauty is vain, but a woman (man) that feareth the Lord shall be praised”, “Will thou set they eyes on that which is not? For riches certainly make themselves wings: they fly away as an eagle towards heaven”, Proverbs 23:5. “For riches are not forever, and doth the crown endure to every generation?”, Proverbs 27:24
–Difference in age: Age is a question of numbers. It does not really have any significant role in marriage. It depends on individuals. What is important is understanding between a man and his wife. Each of the spouses’ has God given roles in marriage, if and when these are well understood by them, age difference becomes irrelevant.
–Compatibility spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, etc. Amos 3:3; Genesis 5:22, 6:9, 24:40: Compatibility simply means being able to agree together, blend with another, having the same quality, standard, vision, aims and objectives. Two people cannot walk together unless they are walking towards the same direction. Light and darkness cannot blend. In general, it is safer to seriously consider the issue of compatibility in choosing a life partner.
Spiritually, a believer and an unbeliever cannot agree together on issues of faith and commitment. A new wine is incompatible with an old wine-skin, Matthew 9:17, just as oil and water can never blend. Biologically, the issue of genotype should be considered knowing the problem associated with it. Intellectually, we need the wisdom of God in dealing with the issue of intellectualism.
Daily Living Application:
Marriage being an institution of God should be considered very important in the life of Christian. It can adversely affect a Christian’s relationship with his/her God as we saw in the Garden of Eden. Any marriage that does not conform to the purpose of god for marriage is bound to fail. Marriage is an honorable estate before God, and this is the reason at wedding ceremonies, the officiating minster exhorts that marriage is not to be enterprised, or entered into unadvisedly and must not be taken lightly, but reverently, discretely, soberly and in the fear of God, duly considering the cause for which matrimony was ordained. It is important that intending couples should seriously consider this exhortation before making up their minds. For those who are already married. It’s a good reminder.
Memory Verse:
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all thy heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”