Christian Marriage Part 2, Payment of Bride Price

 

 

Central Thought: Uphold God’s principles and standards in marriage.

 

Hymn: Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah.

Text: Genesis 24:34-67

 

 

Payment of Bride Price is a customary requirement for marriage, which some call ‘native Law and Custom’ ceremony. The Christian is therefore usually confronted with certain issues that border on aspects of tradition and customs which are not in consonance with the Word of God.  In such situations, he may be faced with making a choice between the tradition of the land and his Christian convictions.  In the Word of God we find some guidelines on what should be our attitude as Christians as regards tradition.

It should be state here that there are some aspects of tradition which do not run contrary to the Word of God. There are also some which are in conflict with the Word of God.  In situations where there are conflicts between the tradition and the conviction of Christian then he must choose to obey God rather than the traditions of men, Acts 5:29.  The Christian must realize that the Word of God is superior to the tradition of men and therefore should be fully adhered to.

In this study, we shall be examining the payment of bride price ceremony during the process of marriage and what it involves form the Christian perspective.

 

 

 

Lesson Objectives:

1. To explain what ‘native law and custom’ ceremony is all about as it relates to marriage.
2. To state how a Christian should handle some demands from the-would be in-laws.
3. To give advice to intending Christian couple who cannot afford elaborate ‘native law and custom’ ceremony.
4. To state if the Church has any role to play in the payment of bride price ceremony.
5. To examine if the intending Christian couple can start relating as husband and wife after customary ceremony.

 

1. What do you understand by ‘native law and custom’ as it relates to marriage?

‘Native law and custom’ as it relates to marriage has to do with the traditional aspect of marriage involving the families of the intending couple, where both families meet, bride price is paid and the woman is formally handed over to the family of the man. This is not complete until the agreed demands by the family of the woman are met.

 

2. How should the Christian handle the following demands from the would-be in-laws?

In the course of the ceremony, it is customary for the man to be given a long list of items he needs to present to the family of the woman. There should be reconciliation between both families about the content of the list of items, long before the day of this ceremony.  It is expected that the intending couple would have been in prayers, and exhibited the Christian attributes/character before their respective families.  This will greatly impact on the ease of reconciliation.

Some of the issues that would need to be reconciled before the ceremony are:

–Presentation of Alcoholic drinks and Tobacco, John 2:3-10; Habakkuk 2:15: What we know is not acceptable to God, we must avoid. It will be very easy to handle if the people involved have before then taken a stand on this matter and their families have known their stand on it long before the issue comes up.

–High bride price/long list of items to purchase, Philippians 4:5: We can see form the Scriptures that it is biblical to present items in the process of requesting the hand of woman in marriage, Genesis 24:53.  However, any Christian seeking the hand of a bride from a family should prayerfully prepare to meet the demands of the family, agree (before the day of the ceremony) within the tenets of our Christian faith.  The Christian, whose daughter’s hand is being sought in marriage, should realize that demands should be moderate and tailored towards pleasing the LORD.  It should be realized that the daughters are not being sold and also after the marriage ceremony the man becomes a part of his wife’s family.

–Demand for pregnancy before marriage, Hebrews 13:4: Children are blessings from God to be the married.  ‘Lo, Children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward’, Psalm 127:3.  Some families may insist that the woman must be pregnant before they go ahead to pay the bride price.  This is very wrong and is contrary to the Scriptures.  We are told in Hebrews 13:4 that “marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (NIV).  Couples should enter into marriage by faith trusting in the ability of God to bless them with children at the time He has set for them.  Pregnancy before marriage should not be considered at all among Christians.  “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints”, Ephesians 5:3.

–Swearing at ancestral shrine, Matthew 5:34-36: A Christian must never go to any ancestral shrine to swear, whatever the circumstance or situation.  As Christians, we should not swear at all by anything whatsoever.  “But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God’s throne; Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool…”, Matthew 5:34-36.  Apart from the fact that God forbids the Christian swearing, going to ancestral shrine is a very serious case of idolatry.  A Christian must not participate in any form of idol worship.

 

3. What advice would you have for an intending couple who cannot afford an elaborate ‘native law and custom’ ceremony?

An intending couple who cannot afford an elaborate ‘native law and custom’ ceremony should not be discouraged by that and it should not be a hindrance to their getting married. Our advice in the given situation will be that the intending couple should prayerfully meet the woman’s family to reduce the items on the list to the barest minimum that is acceptable.  Once this is achieved and the family involved in the matter is satisfied, the party and entertainment may be overlooked or reduced to the barest minimum.

In many instances, there have been cases where the native law and custom ceremony were done behind closed doors with mostly only the members of the intending couple’s families in attendance. The success of a marriage or the joy is not based on how elaborate the ceremony has been.  Neither is it based on great of a crowd attended nor yet on how much food and drinks were provided for entertainment, the band or musicians that were invited to come and perform at the ceremony.  As Christians, we must learn to be content with what we have and what we can afford.

 

4. Does the church have any role to play in the ‘native law and custom’ ceremony?

The church certainly has a role to play in the ‘native law and custom’ ceremony. Its role is to come to witness the ceremony and also to ensure that everything is done to the glory of God.  The ceremony must be brought before God and His presence acknowledged.  It is very important that the people involved must have declared their stand as Christians before this time.  Therefore the church will have to play the role of representing God and also counseling in all that will be done to ensure that God’s name is glorified at the ceremony.  It is usually customary for the church to be officially represented in such an occasion.

 

5. Discuss if the intending Couple can start relating as husband and wife after the ‘native and law and custom’ ceremony?

The first institution established by God was marriage.  Therefore marriage is God’s idea.  This implies that God is the Author of marriage.  The intending couple should not start relating as husband and wife until they have come to the presence of God for His blessings by the ministers of God.  This is very important and necessary for the couple.  God is the Author and Finisher of our faith.  We must hand all over to Him if we must make a success of this life long journey of marriage.

 

Daily Living Application:

The Christian does not live in isolation. He lives in a society where the traditions and culture may run at variance with his convictions and belief. The Christian must bear in mind that he is the light and must not partake in the unfruitful works of darkness.  It should be noted that as believers our fist obligation is to God.  We must therefore endeavor to please God in all situations and at all times.  Any aspect of our tradition/culture that is ungodly should not be accepted or practiced by the believer.  In as much as the Christians are encouraged to accept those aspects of our tradition/culture concerning marriage that are not contrary to the Word of God, we must endeavor to keep God’s standard in all we do, bearing in mind that both in the preparation of and throughout the marriage, we are expected to live our lives to the glory of God.

 

Memory Verse:

1 Corinthians 10:31 – “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”