CENTRAL THOUGHT
A successful and happy Marriage springs from genuine heart agreement and unalloyed love of the couple.
HYMN: “ Blest be the tie that binds ”
TEXT: EPH. 5:21-25, TITUS 2:4, PSALM 127:3-5
INTRODUCTION:
Certain factors account for a successful and happy marriage. First, is the love burning with the fire of divine love in the heart of the couple, that brought them to the precious unity in marriage. There should be continued protection of that vital unity with “walls” of love: loving words; loving deeds; demonstration of spirit of forgiveness, and mutual tolerance.
Marriage will be successful and happy if the couple keeps confidence. This helps to preserve unity as they keep their private matters within themselves and within their home if in God.
Settle conflict or misunderstanding at once. There is no doubt that two people from different backgrounds living together, are bound to have misunderstanding. When it occurs, it should be settled that same day. Apostle Paul counsels “ Let not the sun go down on your wrath…” (Eph. 4:26). If at the heat of an argument, the husband or wife breaks down and says “I’m sorry” for the unkind words or deeds, that settles it.
The successful and happy marriage also has the blessings of children. The Bible says, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord…. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them” (Psalm 127:3-5).
Above all, the couple should let God direct their affairs. If the husband and wife put God first in everything, establish a family altar where they pray together and look up to Him for direction, their marriage will be blessed with peace, harmony and contentment. This way leads to happiness also.
LESSON OBJECTIVES
1.) To know the meaning of a successful and happy marriage.
2.) To know the basis of a successful and happy marriage.
3.) To know what may lead to an unhappy marriage.
4.) To know the consequences of unhappiness in marriage.
5.) To know how to handle or deal with the factors that may cause unhappiness in marriage.
BIBLE TRUTH
QUESTION 1.) WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND BY A SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY MARRIAGE?
A successful and happy marriage is one in which that fire of love which brought the couple together is kept “burning” all the time, protecting their unity and oneness; the bedrock of which is studying the word of God together, and submitting to the Holy Spirit in every way. It also means having confidence, trust, and reliance in each other all the time; even where the marriage is not yet blessed with children, keeping harmony in the home.
QUESTION 2.) WHAT IS THE BASIS OF A SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY MARRIAGE?
First, the couple must have the fear of God (Proverbs 8:13) in their hearts, without which the marriage cannot be successfully lived in purity and holiness. Otherwise, the marriage vows would be thrown to the winds and they would not be kept. The married couple must live to please God always. Next, the couple must learn to love each other all the time by overlooking all offences (Prov. 10:12), remember that hatred causes strife, and love overlooks faults.
Husband and wife should sleep on the same bed all their lives; this intensifies their love and oneness for each other. Sleeping on the same bed together keeps them warm when necessary, sex actions, resolution of disagreements are carried out unnoticed by other people in the same house with them. Husband or wife should never love any other person more than his/her spouse (Gen. 2:24). Husband and wife should demonstrate the love of God in all actions in their marriage. A partner in marriage cannot claim he/she loves God whom he/she has not seen, when he does not love the person (spouse) closest to him/her (1 John 4:20).
The wife should submit to her husband; but the husband should not remain unyielding when he is wrong, insisting that he is the head of the home. Husbands should love their wives with the love of God in their hearts and be kind to them without any bitterness in any conflict; however, the wife should submit to the husband who is the head and also responsible to God (Ephesians 5:21).
Communication is very important in marriage. The couple should be truthful in their communication with each other always. Telling lies breeds mistrust which leads to lack of confidence in each other. But be kind and tender hearted, forgiving your spouse any offence committed, so as to eschew bitterness. The couple should learn to watch their utterances, even when they are angry.
Sex is another very important aspect that contributes to happiness in marriage. Without it, there can be no union. Each partner should be satisfied at all times with the wife or husband of his or her youth (Prov. 5:19; Malachi 2:15b). Husband and wife should not deny themselves sexual expression, except by consent when fasting and praying; and when the wife is on her menses (1 Cor. 7:2-5).
The foregoing points are not exhaustive; however, they will go a long way to make for a successful and happy marriage if they are adhered to, by husbands and wives.
QUESTION 3.) WHAT ARE THE THINGS LIKELY TO CAUSE UNHAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE?
One of the things that can cause unhappiness in marriage is lack of the fear of God in the hearts of the couple. This is a result of the fact that they have no interest in the word of God, nor in what it teaches. In such a situation, the husband or wife breaks the marriage vows without feeling of regret. Thus, they will be living in mere pretense before God, without discipline and selfcontrol.
Another factor that may cause unhappiness in marriage is the absence of genuine love. This easily breeds bitterness, uttering harsh and mean words in bad temper. This state of behavior may either be sparked off by the husband or the wife, beginning with a small quarrel. There is untruth which leads to distrust, suspicion, and lack of confidence. Yet another factor is a stubborn spirit by either the wife or the husband unyielding to counsel.
The presence of these factors in any marriage gradually erode any tincture of love that is left between the couple, thus destroying their unity. A situation in which the wife frequently denies the husband sex, giving flimsy excuses, makes the husband unhappy. All the foregoing would happen when husband and wife are unwilling to allow God’s word rule their hearts in any situation and remain unyielding to the Holy Spirit.
QUESTION 4.) WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF UNHAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE?
The major consequence of unhappiness in marriage is when the husband or the wife or both of them decide to sound the knell of death, by their attitudes and poor relationship: bitterness, hatred, anger, malice, unfaithfulness, or even conjugal infidelity. At day break there will be no family altar because a quarrel has started. Each partner goes his or her own way.
Another consequence of unhappiness in marriage is an occurrence or breakdown of communication between husband and wife in the home. Two persons living in the same room stop talking together- no greeting, no interaction, even where the husband greets first or the wife greets first, no response. Two partners lying on the same bed without touching each other, bitter and harsh words; abusing
each other and even fighting. If the conflict is not resolved it might lead to a most dangerous consequence: separation and divorce. These behaviors of the couple reflect unhappiness in the home.
QUESTION 5.) HOW MAY THE FACTORS THAT CAUSE UNHAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE BE ADDRESSED?
One way of addressing a factor that causes unhappiness in marriage is restoration of genuine love between the partners. Love is the principal factor. If love for each other is on the wane, it has to be rekindled and kept aglow; love (charity) “beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (1 Cor. 13:7).
Another way is that the couple should learn to study the word of God together always and to submit to its counsels. They should yield totally to the Holy Spirit. Obedience to God’s word and allowing it to rule their hearts in every situation, will surely repel any factor that rears its head to cause unhappiness. The couple should go back to praying together at the family altar.
The couple should learn to settle misunderstanding at once; and keep confidence in each other if the home is to last i.e. if anything tends to disturb the marriage, husband and wife should look on to God to direct their affairs in every way. Surely, they will be blessed.
DAILY LIVING APPLICATION
If the Christian couple keep genuine love for each other; if they maintain unity and oneness in their relationship; and if they keep confidence which helps to preserve their unity, settle their quarrels or misunderstanding, allowing the word of God to rule their hearts and allow God to control and direct their affairs, their marriage, no doubt, is sure to be successful and happy.
MEMORY VERSE:
PROVERBS 3:13
“Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding”.
DAILY DEVOTIONAL GUIDE
Monday: Relationship in marriage.
1 Cor. 7:2-5
Tuesday: Trust in each other.
Proverbs 31:10-12
Wednesday: The industrious wife.
Proverbs 31:15, 16,17, & 19-22
Thursday: The devoted wife makes the husband known; brings joy.
Proverbs 31:23, 24, 25
Friday: The devoted wife is appreciated.
Proverbs 31:28
Saturday: To be happy in marriage: have the fear of God.
Proverbs 9:10